Have a quick sketch-and-ficlet-double-treat, for myself and everyone else so inclined;)
Reaction fic to ‘Goodbye’
Kurt knows that Blaine can tell it from his too tight smile, weary in his boyfriend’s general direction. He doesn’t have to say it out loud. Blaine gets it.
Takes Kurt in and knows the content of the letter, just as surely as Kurt knows in an instant, instinct, what Blaine wants and needs to say now, body slumping down gently next to Kurt on the piano bench, movement a light nudge of chin against Kurt’s shoulder, soon becoming steady pressure all along his side. A promise of support, physical and all else, there to sink against.
Kurt holds in a sigh. Blaine’s intent and voice are inside Kurt’s mind already, wordless awareness still, but there. He blinks silently, patiently as Blaine hesitates, does not find the words, or choose to speak at once. But then it starts in a low whisper, dry but soft against Kurt’s neck.
“Kurt.” Crisp but yet with pleading edges that say I have to, let me get it out, please, I have to tell you. Kurt bites his lip and lets him. He will always let him.
“Kurt. This means nothing but that you’re taking a different route on your way to achieving your dreams.” Kurt closes his eyes. Hearing the words out loud even if he expected them already, waited for them… hearing them now is somehow grating, soothing and tiring at the same time. Because Kurt knows they won’t change anything right now, about the way he feels. About that mess of emotions turned numb. But still Blaine’s arm sneaks around Kurt’s waist, voice colouring with insistance.
“It’s like you told Rachel back then, of course you’re still going to New York. All you said to her, I know you know this deep down, it’s the same for you. You still achieved so much, and your dream is still alive, it’s not been lessened by this. You’ll just be getting there in a different way, on another course, you’re every bit as fierce as Ra…. “
“Blaine.” Kurt can’t stop his breathy smile that is not laughter, not yet, but still it makes his tone gentle, if tired as well. He is so tired.
He sits up in Blaine’s embrace, stiffly, but never drawing away. “Blaine, stop…I know, I…I know.” He glances up into Blaine’s big expressive eyes and it’s too much to take. His look drops to the keys again.
“Blaine, I know, I do.” Blaine is solid beside him, unmoving. Waiting for Kurt to go on, all attention and loving support. Kurt’s chest is suddenly tight and lifts with the effort to inhale, and get his voice out. “But.., but still I feel… I just need a moment. Blaine. To breathe.” Kurt’s shoulders sink down again, lopsided, and too tense, still. He straightens them with half a heart. “Whatever. I just need a moment.”
“Okay.” The slow warmth of Blaine’s voice is seeping into Kurt’s skin, and a shiver runs down his spine, not unwelcome, but gone too soon. His body chases after it, slacking slightly, sinking into Blaine’s hug some more.
They sit like this for some seconds, and Kurt almost lets his eyes drift closed, content to just let it all pass by, until the circle of Blaine’s arms around Kurt twitches, loosens, but never ever lets go completely. Blaine’s lips part against Kurt’s hair, resolution and tender urgency again.
“Kurt, look at me.”
Kurt sighs then hums into Blaine’s shoulder, where he finds he has pressed his mouth into soft fabric. “Blaine I’m alright, I just…”
“Look at me.”
Kurt makes a muffled sound and lifts his head reluctantly, too heavy, too empty, but then he finds reliable grip in those impossibly huge eyes waiting for him. Eyes so loaded and serious and still so soft. Something inside Kurt stirs awake, starts to vibrate from that look alone.
“I love you.”
“Blaine…”
“So. much.”
Kurt’s hand clasps tighter on Blaine’s between them, as he feels the warmth crawl up into his cheeks, and slowly reach inside him.
Like it does every single time. He knows the words by now, knows Blaine was going to say them. And still.
Kurt’s voice is barely a whisper, but doesn’t waver, as he holds Blaine’s look.
“I know…”
He opens his mouth to say more, but before he can, Blaine is there and his lips seal over his own.
And Kurt leans into it at once, not even second guessing, for it’s all like the gentle press of Blaine’s body continued in a kiss, soft and pliant slide of mouth, molding, melting into him. Just being there.
It feels like Blaine’s stealing his breath only to give it back to him.
And just like that it happens. The shift is there, tiny and barely tracable, but it’s there in the softening angle of Kurt’s neck. He feels it.
He knows there’s still that hollow inside him, that blackened out place that all his aspirations worked towards, irritated into a shallow, empty numbness of shock. And he knows there was a chance for this to happen, for failure, just as he knows Kurt Hummel is not a quitter.
He knows it all in that moment, and it still leaves him reeling and dizzy.
But within that shift of muscle it is there, against it all, the certainty, the realization, without surprise really, only relief:
That breathing is indeed so much easier now with Blaine’s hand on the nape of his neck.
So just a breath more, Kurt thinks. And then we take on the world again.
***
No masterpieces, it’s been a while, sigh, but I had to get it out. Maybe I will make a better, bigger drawing out of this hen I find the time:) I’ll just leave it and post it and go to bed now:)
Holy shit. SO PRETTY.
